


Damian Wayne – I Don’t Want To Fail

by AceofEnder



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:53:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24325336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceofEnder/pseuds/AceofEnder
Summary: Tim’s expression softened as he studied the panicked look growing on the boy’s face.  He watched his tired eyes shoot open as he realized the mistake he had made; he watched his brother desperately try to cover the red streaks with his sleeve only for it to bleed through the worn fabric.Or, the one where Tim’s the only one who realizes that Damian isn't alright.أنا آسف يا أمي MEANS I’M SORRY MOM AND ABN MEANS SON, IF I AM WRONG PLEASE PLEASE CORRECT ME! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, START THIS SONG AFTER THE LINE “His voice got quieter, more afraid, with every word.”  PLEASE https://youtu.be/X9w37b-lRyc
Relationships: Alfred Pennyworth & Damian Wayne, Barbara Gordon & Damian Wayne, Batfamily Members & Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain & Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Talia al Ghul & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne
Comments: 23
Kudos: 143





	Damian Wayne – I Don’t Want To Fail

**Author's Note:**

> TWs: Self harm (multiple ways!! Please be safe!!)

“Good morning Dami!” Dick cheerfully hummed out towards his younger brother, who had just walked into the kitchen. Damian simply nodded towards him before scowling at the bowl of sugary carbs that his brother called cereal. Dick laughed it off, knowing his brother always hated his choice of breakfast, though it had been a while since he gave a reaction of such distaste. The boy simply walked over to the fridge and pulled out a metal water bottle with his name on it. “Hey Dami, whatcha drinking?” Dick smiled at him while speaking, “Can I have a sip?” Damian quietly opened it and took a sip before taking it with him out of the room, leaving Dick with a slight frown before he heard Stephanie yell for him, shaking it off.

“Hey Demon Spawn, what’s up?” Jason asked him with a smirk. Damian had spent the last two hours sitting in the cave writing up reports and papers. Damian muttered something back while scribbling his signature in the corner of the page. “What was that?” Jason snickered a bit. “I said. What do you want Todd?” Damian spat the name out in a poisoned mumble. Jason simply gave a smirk and took the paper from underneath him, holding it up over his head while speaking. “Hah, what’re you even working on Demon Spawn? You’ve been working on these papers for hour-“

He was cut off by Damian bolting up and snatching the paper, ripping the corner slightly Jason’s lips curled slightly, the only words visible to him before Damian could take the paper were “I’m sorry for being” Jay raised an eyebrow before hearing “Just go away…Jason.” Damian had picked up every paper he could hold in two arms and walked off to his room to complete the work.

Damian had spent the last couple hours in his room before hearing a knock on his door. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down and look peaceful before speaking "What is it?" The door opened to reveal locks of copper red hair, and a pursed frown on Barbara Gordon's face. "Hey, do you know where Tim keeps his laptop charger? I wanna steal, I mean, borrow it from him, and never give it back." She chuckled out while leaning against the door frame. "Ah. No, I don't..." He trailed off; his eyelids started to close from exhaustion before snapping out of it. He kept holding his hand in a fist tightly.

"Dam? You okay there?" She raised an eyebrow and began to step forward. He stopped her by saying "Yes. I'm fine Gordon. Anyway, Drake keeps it in his right-hand dresser I believe." He spoke in a monotone voice before waving her off. Her eyes trailed off to his hand, squeezed tightly around something orange. She shook it off and walked out of the room after he scoffed in her direction.

“Master Damian?” Alfred called to him, as he walked into the kitchen. Most of the house was empty, but Damian, Alfred, and Cass were all home. Damian kept his down, shuffling into the kitchen to grab something before hearing a loud clear cough. He snapped his head up to see Alfred with a slight told-you-so attitude written across his smile. “Hungry, Master Damian?” He asked, a bit quietly, but undertones of pride and sarcasm laced his voice. At least, that’s what Damian had heard. “Ah.” Was the only sound that passed through his lips before he shook his head and looked up at Alfred’s expression of concern.

“Ah, I mean, no I’m not hungry Alfred.” Damian mumbled out while walking over to the fridge. Alfred frowned slightly before holding out a plate to him, Damian looked at his face, but he couldn’t seem to hear anything. His ears filled with the sounds of being surrounded by water and began to hear little whispers sing through his head while watching Alfred’s lips move. He squeezed his eyes shut and attempted to shake it off before looking up and hearing Alfred speak.

“…And that’s why you need this Master Damian, please take it and a glass of water.” He didn’t want Alfred to know he wasn’t listening or worry him, so he took the plate from his hands and nodded. He tried to mutter out his gratitude but couldn’t get the words out. He brought the plate and the bottle he had originally come to get and walked back to his room.

If you were to walk past the boy’s room that night, you would hear small choked out sobs in a desperate attempt to suffer alone. He would not accept failure in even the emptiest of houses. The next morning Damian was nowhere to be seen neither was Tim, the table was full of family members eating breakfast. The house was surprisingly quiet for once, there was a lack of arguing from the younger members and a lack of violence from Jason and Tim interacting with Damian.

Dick took a small sip of his coffee before looking up at his family. “Hey, um, can I ask you guys something?” He asked quietly. “Hm? What is it Golden Boy?” Jay chuckled out in his direction. “I just, have any of you noticed anything wrong with Damian lately? Well, over the past couple months I guess?” Dick gripped onto his cup harder while looking to his siblings for answers. Jason pondered for a moment before responding in a slight tone of concern. “Yeah actually, he’s been avoiding questions and honestly avoiding us in general. Hell, I don’t know when the last time he talked to all of us even was.” Dick frowned at the thought, before turning to Barbara and Alfred. “Do you two know where he went? Or what’s been happening to him lately?” He asked the two in front of him. Barbara gave a small shrug and took a sip of her coffee before speaking. “I’m not sure Dick, sorry, but he’s been acting weird lately. He’s been hiding a lot too.” They gave her a questioning look quickly before Alfred asked. “What do you mean Miss Gordon?” “Well, he keeps hiding things in his hands and backpack, you guys haven’t noticed?” She gave a slight look of uncertainty.

They shook their heads before looking over to their sister who was quiet throughout the whole conversation. Cass gave a small smile and shook her head, signing that she didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary and that he may just be tired. They gave her a small look before shaking it off and switching topics. She pulled a frown and furrowed her eyebrows, thinking something was wrong but couldn’t figure it out for once. That night everyone was gone, some at work, some at apartments and safehouses, and some just needed elsewhere.

Damian sat on his bed alone and let his mind drift through his thoughts. He thought about his mother first. He rolled the small blade against his palm being carful not to break the skin. He thought about the times he had seen his mother covered in blood and scratches as a child, her personal knife in her hand and her body adorned with cuts. He thought to the time his mother gave slight smiles to him after training when he asked why she had not joined him for supper. She waved him off every time she had skipped a meal.

He thought to the times his grandfather answered for her, speaking that it would give her more agility and not to worry about his mother. He remembered the small orange bottle with torn labels that were hidden around her room and the little ripped notes in her bin. He squeezed his hand around the blade harder while thinking about the smiles she faked when she was overwhelmed. He thought about the times it brought her actual happiness, or, what she thought was actual happiness.

“Abn. What are you doing?” Her voice rung out in his ears quietly, laced with concern. “You’re not here Umi. I’m thinking about what you would have done if you were here.” He spoke out quietly, his voice harsh but hushed. “Abn, you’re going to cause damage to yourself you cannot take back.” Her voice spoke in a hushed whisper, he felt as though he could feel the light touch of her hands on his cheeks, a soft kiss on his forehead for every time he had done training well. He thought about pushing away her hand, even knowing it wasn’t truly there. But he didn’t know what he wanted anymore.

He opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t seem to do anything besides letting out a shaky breath and guiding his hand up around his throat. Why couldn’t he speak, was lingering in his head as he desperately tried to find the lost words. “أنا آسف يا أمي. I think it’s already too late to take it back, it helped you…right?” His voice got quieter, more afraid, with every word. He looked up towards her, towards her voice, only to hear the silence he feared. No matter what happened, he knew he didn’t have an answer for himself. He knew there was no good ending in front of him, but it’s all he knew in the moment. He rolled the small blade over his finger once again before letting go of the hesitation.

Tim was walking up the stairs at the Manor, he had heard everyone was busy so the house would be empty, but he knew otherwise. He could tell something horrible was going to happen. He got to Damian’s door and heard strained sobs from the boy behind the door. He eased open the door, flinching slightly at hearing the loud creak it gave off. He stood in the doorframe looking at his younger brother. His eyes trailed over the staining red wounds across the boy’s skin, the open bottle of pills spilled over onto the ground, the broken pencil and ripped up papers around him. His jaw clenched and his eyes filled with worry and anger that his younger brother had to feel this way. Tim’s expression softened as he studied the panicked look growing on the boy’s face. He watched his tired eyes shoot open as he realized the mistake he had made; he watched his brother desperately try to cover the red streaks with his sleeve only for it to bleed through the worn fabric. Damian looked more lost than Tim had ever seen him in their lives. He took a step forward carefully only to see Damian flinch at the movement.

“Hey.” Tim began to speak softly while holding a hand out to him. “It’s okay, I’m here, it’s just me okay?” Damian looked afraid, not of Tim himself, but of him seeing him like this. “Drake go away I-“ Damian began to snap before seeing the look on Tim’s face. It wasn’t one of panic, not one of disappointment or anger, just one of understanding. Tim whispered at him “Hey, hey, I’m not mad Dami. I’m not disappointed. I just need to know what’s going on.” Tim spoke calmly and walked to Damian’s bed slowly until he was more comfortable. “Nothing is going on. I have nothing to tell you.” He spat quietly when his older brother had sat next to him. “It’s okay to talk about what’s going on Damian.” He told him, carefully taking the blade from Damian, a bit surprised to meet no resistance from the boy.

“I don’t” Damian started waving him off the way his mother always had, until Tim laid a hand over his hand and gently held his bleeding arm. “No one does this because they’re okay, Akhi.” Tim spoke knowing all too well how it feels to be trapped in that mindset alone. And it seemed Damian could tell, because as soon as the words left his lips, Damian’s walls crashed down. His eyes overflowed with tears he’d been trying to hold back, the hands he was using to cover the wounds suddenly fell to his side. He felt everything break down, he couldn’t believe he was such a disappointment that he was crying like this in front of his Akh. “It’s okay Dami, I’ve got you.” Tim spoke softly and carefully moved his little brother towards him needing to make sure he wouldn’t hurt himself again.

  
Damian let out a small sob before rambling out anxious explanations. “Tim. I can’t do this. There’s so many reports, so much with keeping proper in public, so many crimes, so many favors. We never did this, Umi never taught me this, I’m nothing more than a killing machine Akhi. How am I supposed to do this? I don’t want to fail. I don’t want to fail you.” Damian let out the last words broken and quiet, gesturing to a family photo on his desk. Tim’s face twisted into shame, shame on himself for not helping Damian more. But he knew that right now it wasn’t about his mistake; it was about his brother’s attempts to get through alone.

Tim pulled him into a careful hug, being careful not to push against the open wounds. “Dami, it’s okay to not be okay, I need you to tell me when you feel like this. We’re a family akh. You don’t need to do it alone, it’s okay to need a smaller workload, it’s okay. I promise.” He talked slowly letting Damian drown in the words, trying to calm him down. “I’m supposed to be able-“ “No you’re not Damian, no one can handle that alone, not you, not me, not Dick or Jason, nor Cass or Steph or Barb. Not even Alfred.” Damian smiled a bit at the comment. “I know you’re not going to be okay all at once Damian, but can you let clean up those wounds? I promise we don’t need to o anything draining or talk tonight if you can’t. I just want to clean your cuts up and make sure you’re safe. We’re a family.” Tim told him, pointing to his arm. He received a silent nod from the tired looking boy. Tim grabbed a first aid kit and slowly cleaned up the blood, occasionally stopping when Damian winced at things like antibacterial spray. He wrapped up the bandages and gave him a clean shirt, saying he’d get the blood stains out for him.

After cleaning every wound, after Damian agreed to let Tim clean the pills and blades around, they sat down to breathe. Damian asked him for a hug quietly and he agreed to let Tim stay the night to help him. “Even though I kept it a secret, even though I didn’t tell anyone. You saw I wasn’t okay without me even showing it, I guess it’s okay to need help.” Damian whispered out, gripping his arm slightly. Tim’s expression fell but he covered it up quickly, keeping his hand in his pocket, clutching onto the goodbye note he had found in Damian’s backpack that had showed him what Damian was thinking. Maybe this would stay his secret.


End file.
